Terminating

I don't understand why people choose to terminate their marriage when at the same time, their children had grown up. Recently I get to know my childhood best friend's parents are about to terminate their 30 years marriage. Both her parents are so close to my parents that they used to own a company back in 10 years time. I would say my parents were lucky enough to build their own business and went through successfully after that. Yet, this man ( my best friend's father aka my dad's best friend) started to develop his business by borrowing capital from many people, including my dad. He didn't seem to tell his wife either because she didn't know anything till the day he was totally broke. His business was failed of course, due to some reason that I think it wouldn't be appropriate to tell here. Her wife was told by one of his husband's business partner recently. She was shocked, for giving his husband 200 thousand to support his business. But still his husband did not let her know that his business had closed down. My friend told me her mother was suffer from depression, and she can feel the melancholy. They(my friend and her mother) decided to shift to her home town, tried to avoid her husband and as well as the so called 'loan shark'. I did not know till i read those form my friend's blog. I tried to call them, my mom too. But they seemed didn't want us to interrupt. So, are they going to terminate their marriage which last for more than 30 years? Wouldn't it be so saddening? =(((

The Secret

An interesting book- The Secret- that I bought last year from Kinokuniya. I believe most of you have heard of this book, or maybe you actually owned it. At that very moment, while I was flipping through this book. It did remind me of some psychology theories. It looked interesting to me and therefore now is on my bookshelf. After studying few chapters of Human Communication. A theory that rings the bell in my mind! If you had gone through the content of The Secret, you will know that all they said are mostly about the Universe. For those who don't read it, is in fact a book that teaches you (or reminds you) to achieve your goals by mutter to yourself so many times that you could imagine it really happens. What the author explained was, when you keep repeating the same wish in your mind, your mind will connect to the Universe and finally things will happen as what you wish. Sounds creepy huh? =/ black magic, that was my first impression, LOL. Self-fulfilling prophecy would be a better theory to explain it, I presumed. Let me recall the definition of self-fulfilling prophecy. It is a prediction or expectation of oneself that makes an outcome more likely to occur than would otherwise have been the case. I remember that's few pages in the book writting about a girl that was desperate to get a perfect husband. One of the authors of The Secret told her to do what he/she (couldn't remember) insist. Do you know what the author tell her what to do? Instead of mutter to herself billions of time that she would like to marry a nice man; she in fact live like she already had a husband! She bought a king-size bed and slept on a side and left another side empty (pretending the 'husband' was sleeping beside her), she cleaned up her cupboard so there will be some spaces (pretending the 'husband's clothes had actually occupied the spaces) and so on. And well, of course you know the final result. She married to a man who she always meet in her dream. There are many examples given in the book. Hmm.. can't really recall most part of them.

This book is in fact a nice book that you can try, I don't mind to lend you. Because that book costs RM80! Dare not to get another one. =/

Facial Expressions

OK, we've talked alot about non-verbal communication like body language, but one particular area of the body can tell you alot about what a person is feeling or thinking. A raised eyebrow can indicate interest or confusion, a smirk could indicate amusement or the person could be scheming something...

For example, today at college, a friend a pack of cards and we played a friendly game of Black Jack (I've always wondered, why BLACK Jack? Racial prejudice??). When my friend drew another card, his face distorted to a frown and squinted eyes. This obviously meant his cards were a bust. My other friend however, when he drew a card, didn't change his facial expression at all. After drawing my cards, we revealed our hands and, as it turned out, I was right about my friend busting but my poker faced friend had a 20 with three cards while I had 19 with the same number of cards.

My point is, just the face by itself can provide a myriad of information on the unspoken words of that person. There are also various games besides Black jack that rely on watching peoples facial expressions to win. Facial expressions can tell you if that person is lying or hiding something. So the next time you're with a friend or family member, try paying attention to their facial expression and try to decipher what they may be thinking.

Conflict Resolution

Win-lose situation happens while one party lose and another party win. This reminds me of those conversations I was having with my mom, hmm... or maybe my siblings. Since I'm the youngest. All I heard was rubbish and trash went into my ears. Sometimes I don't even have a chance to voice out. Everything they said must be true and the greatest, and they expect me to listen them fully and do what they said. These show they have power to control the younger ones. Therefore, I'm always the lose side because I always give in.

Lose-lose situation also often happens within my family. We used to have this family dinner every Sunday. And it's also because of this family event, we usually will come up with different ideas for our dinner. My brother likes Korean BBQ, my dad loves Chinese food, my sisters like Japanese food and others are fine with anything. Therefore, they tend to argue so much on the dinner. While any two parties or three parties fight against their 'great' ideas, my mom will suddenly stand out and suggest Western food. Where both parties give up their stand and all of us go for an alternative choice which is given by the 'authority'.

Compromise usually happens when we negotiate the prices while we are buying stuff. When both parties, the consumer and seller do not agree with the prices which is given by each of them, they may come up with a plan which satisfy partially for both parties. For example, the product's price is $40 which we may think it's way too expensive to buy, so we may probably suggest $20. Yet, this is when the argument begins when the seller does not satisfy with that price, which is too low. Therefore, they may come up with a suggestion, which benefits both of them but also lose at the same time. And this is when they are both agreed to decrease the price to $30.

Communicating without words.

I wanted to write a blog post bout camp...but i guess someone beat me to it....well my camp is different from his as i want to Gopeng but not Trolak. The leadership camp was reli a once in a lifetime opportunity for many of us. You guys may ask how can i relate this to human com. Come to think of it, there are many events that happen during the camp thet i can relate to human com. One of them is during a game where we had to find partners and then be alert during the game. Without expecting it, the instructor will ask us to change partners without really talking. It was hard for many as you can see many people running around like mad cows trying to find a partner. The person who cannot find a partner will have to be forfieted from the game and enjoy getting his or her face painted.

There were also a bunch of us who secretly planned our strategy so we do not fall victim to face painting. a bunch of us actually stood together and rotated among ourselves so we were never without a partner. Majority of us were from my human com class but I'm not going to mention any names. I have this feeling that maybe through human com., we understan how to use non-verbal communication to our advantage by using our eyes to communicate with our friends or just merely using our hands to point. All this paid off because none of us got our face painted in the end.

Words can be empowering

After what felt like a looooooooooong weekend, I came back from HELP's leadership camp in Trolak, Sungkai, Perak. As it was my first ever camping trip to anywhere, I felt mixed emotions about the trip. Obviously, I was excited to be able to go to a camp with all of my friends for 3 days, but I also felt a little worried at what we are the activities going to be like.

In the camp, we were split into 4 teams. My team named ourselves Team Alpha and, after some unexpected events, I was appointed as leader of the team. Seeing as this was a leadership camp, I took this as a test to see if I could be a good leader or not. Thus, in certain activities like the High rope and Low rope activities, I had a team member who was afraid of heights. So, that team member naturally had trouble even starting to do the High rope activity.

To help my team member, I gave words of enouragement like "You can do it" and "This is the time to get up there and get rid of that fear". After a few more of those, my team member finally got up the courage to do it. I, along with my other team members, cheered her on until she made it all the way through to the other side. In another instance, I was having particularly alot of trouble with one obstacle in the Low rope activity. On my second try, I would have fallen down and given up if not for the cheers and words of encouragement from my fellow teammates and advisors that emboldened my resolve to finish the course.

To summarise, words can not only convery messages and emotions, but can also reignite the fire in peoples hearts or steel the resolve of a person willing to give up. Using the right words at the right time can spur on a friend, family member or coworker to stand up and get through or finish what you started.

How my parents communicate

Non verbal communication is in fact an important communication among most of the elderly. Especially couples who married for more than 30 years, they usually communicate without speaking in order to express themselves! You may often seen old couples having their morning tea at a coffee shop, but they usually read their newspaper and drink their own tea. They seldom speak while they're together. They can even detect each other's eye signals or body signals and react at the most suitable way. They are very distinct from young people like us. Young couples usually are more enthused and convey their messages through verbal communication. In fact, these old couples had gone through many things and they eventually had lack of topics to talk about.

This has actually happened in my home. Both of my parents were married for 35 years. They do speak to each other, but usually are related to politics news. Yet, simple things are often communicated non-verbally. For instance, my father often found some interesting articles on newspaper; he will place them on top of dry kitchen. And my mother eventually pick them up and read them! Another example, one fine day, my father found a clock had stopped moving and I assumed that he was lazy to change the batteries. So he put that clock on top of dry kitchen again, and expect my mom will see it. I was surprised to see that the clock was gone missing at the next day! I went to my parent's room and saw the clock was nicely placed on the TV cabinet; with new batteries in it =D P.S. All of us saw the clock, but none of us could think of changing the batteries. Wow! my parents can really click!